remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
