I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
