Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
