can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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