careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
