I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize