So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
