i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
