I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
