I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
