Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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