We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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