Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've blown a few things in my day
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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