my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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