WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think people are normalizing furries
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
