hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
