She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
