He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
