No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
