Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
