i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
