im drinking this country out of the recession.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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