why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
