I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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