There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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