Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
