I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize