my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
