i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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