the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
