**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my liver is dry heaving
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
