Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
