I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
