If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
