btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
