Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
