he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
