Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
