Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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