Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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