tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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