just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
