Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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