There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
