i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
