Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
