worst night to have a conscience
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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