i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
