Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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