Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
