Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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