are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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