I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
