ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
