I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
