I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize