After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
