I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
