I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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