he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
