I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
