Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
