I will die if light touches me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
